so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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