i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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