you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
