Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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