Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
