Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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