What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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