so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
