Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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