There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
