Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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