so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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