Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
