his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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