Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
