I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
