I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
