Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The power of my boobs compel you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
