i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
