I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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