So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
