you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
