good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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