"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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