I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
