Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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