So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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