Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
