Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
