Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
