Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
