i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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