I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
