i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
