This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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