My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
