The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
