The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
