Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
