I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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