So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
