My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
