just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
