how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
