I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
