R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
