A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
