He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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