His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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