had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
