I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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