also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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