In the future we'll all be gay
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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