like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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