You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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