yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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