my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
