just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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