Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

someone threw a dead crab at me

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(614): View more from Ohio

Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

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(818): View more from California

I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

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(302): View more from Delaware

this must be what syphilis tastes like

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(334): View more from Alabama

You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.

(205): View more from Alabama

Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.

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(530): View more from California

am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision

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