On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
