Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
