Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
