You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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