needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
