Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
