I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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