She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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