That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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