I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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