i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
