i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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