that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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