White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
