How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
