I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
