listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
