you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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