i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dicks are not precious.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
